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Do anyone in Chicago know a good Internet or DSL provider that is having some deal for low-income people? I found a couple but all of them say you need to have a kid. Our bill is now a whooping $178 Dollars. Like WTF! I have been thinking about this for the past month because AT&T got rid of their low income program for Illinois residence and shit.

That’s what happened?! Our bill went sky high abruptly. Last time I heard, Boost was good.

Yeah. I told my mom and she is considering getting rid of the wifi and just have simple phone service. That way, we could find another provider with decent internet costs.

And ugh, Boost is affiliated with sprint and we never liked Sprint to begin with DX.


Do anyone in Chicago know a good Internet or DSL provider that is having some deal for low-income people? I found a couple but all of them say you need to have a kid. Our bill is now a whooping $178 Dollars. Like WTF! I have been thinking about this for the past month because AT&T got rid of their low income program for Illinois residence and shit.

Dying My hair Tomorrow

Yep! I am finally gonna dye my hair tomorrow. I am quite excited because I never really saw myself with a different Hue on my head. I have been preparing for a few weeks now for this since my hair has been chemically processed through relaxing. Lately, I have been moisturizing it and taking care of it properly. I rarely do this for my hair (which is kinda bad but I don’t care). And at the end of the day, it is still manageable. As of today, it has been a little over 5 months since harsh chemicals have been put into my hair. That is a record for me for my head in the last 4 years.

I will post pictures tomorrow of my head along with the product that I will be using x3.

"A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life."
-Coco Avant Chanel, 2009 (via saras-scrapbook)


do you ever see an art style and just go

 oh my go d


it’s so beaut iful

A Few Thoughts on the Recent YouTube Scandals


I wanted to take a quick moment to address some extremely irritating things that fans of Youtubers have done recently. For those of you who aren’t involved in the YouTube community, several YouTube content creators have been criticized for a wide variety of different comments and content recently. It leaked from several sources, including from victims themselves, of several sexual assaults or rapes of famous YouTubers on some of their fans. Several relatively high profile YouTubers have since retired or spoken out about the situation.

Most famously, Sam Pepper was heavily criticized by both viewers and other content creators for his videos of “practical jokes” that involve sexually or verbally harassing women who are clearly uncomfortable and/or scared. Some of these “jokes” go as far as handcuffing him to strangers and not releasing them until they give him a kiss or touching strangers’ butts.

In response to the (overwhelmingly positive) support that this criticism garnered, some YouTubers of color (most notably chescaleigh) pointed out that while it was excellent that we were calling out misogyny and holding creators accountable for sexism in their work, constant and overt racism was rarely ever criticized with the same fervor and power and in fact ran rampant across many popular YouTube channels. One target of this criticism was Shane Dawson, whose channel consistently releases content caricaturing and mocking poor Black “ghetto” people. He has also performed in blackface for several of his videos, used slurs that do not belong to him, and shut down criticism in his comments and on Twitter from fans of color uncomfortable with this.

Shortly after the situation started, Shane made an apology video and took down some of his past videos that included blackface and racism. So, what’s the problem? Well, the problem are YouTube fans who are insistent on consuming content without critically examining their comedy and some of the horrendous impacts racist, sexist, or otherwise bigoted humor can have. This isn’t about being “politically correct” (which, I’ll remind you, is a term made by people trying to discredit the movement of trying not to perpetuate systemic and institutional oppression). While creators are the ones responsible for the bigoted content in the first place, fans are a huge driving force for why it’s perpetuated and the way that we as YouTube fans have reacted to the criticism speaks volumes about where our priorities lie. I’ve put together some of the most common excuses for YouTube racism that I’ve seen recently and exactly why they’re so frustrating.

1) “It’s just comedy! Don’t like, don’t watch.”

Why “comedy” is seen as exempt from criticism is beyond me. Because, of course, it’s not. People criticize comedy all the time and no one bats an eyelash. People criticize comedy when it’s too shallow, when it’s too cliched, when it’s poorly written, when the punchline just doesn’t quite work. The only time comedy becomes an infallible and uncriticizable entity is when someone wants to point out that comedy is often extremely racist or otherwise bigoted. Then, all of a sudden, it’s “just comedy” and no one should think about it enough to criticize it.

In addition, the internet mantra of “don’t like, don’t watch” ignores the fact that the effects of the media will affect people whether or not they watch it. On a small scale, if someone is spreading lies about you, it doesn’t matter whether or not you listen to them and talk to them. If you ignore them, the lies still get spread. People still make judgments of you based off of this misinformation. Your reputation, identity, or name will still be impacted in some way. In fact, talking to them about it is the only really effective way to handle the issue at all and potentially right any wrongs.

Ignoring problematic media does not negate the dangerous messages that media sends- messages that continue to affect people of color in their daily lives and reinforces attitudes that contribute to institutional racism.

2) “(Creator) is offensive to everyone! So it’s not wrong.”

When people say this, they’re demonstrating that they don’t understand the structural and historical parts of institutional racism. We can’t let racism slide because “I’m racist against everyone!” Why? Well, let’s break this down.

What are the impacts of race jokes at the expense of people of color? The dehumanization of people of color, reinforcement of stereotypes that lead to conceptions of Black youth as dangerous, the normalization of health and mortality disparities, reinforcement of employment and housing discrimination, lower self-esteem for children of color, internalized racism and self-hate for someone’s own natural hair texture, skin color, or facial features, disproportionately higher rates of violent death and/or suicide, increased rates of sexual assault and violence among others.

What are the impacts of race jokes at the expense of white people? A white person gets a bit uncomfortable.

These two are not the same because one type of joke is backed by a history and a continuing legacy of institutional racism and the other is not. White people don’t get shot in the street because they can’t dance. But Black people do get murdered by vigilantes or police in part because they’re perceived to be naturally dangerous and violent- an idea that is constantly reinforced by media filled with racist antiblack jokes.

Racism isn’t a zero-sum even playing field. Until poor men of color (particularly Black and Hispanic men) stop being funneled into the prison industry for the same drug crimes that upper middle class white kids are doing with no repercussions; until women of color stop being fetishized, dehumanized, and the victims of higher rates of sexual assault, abuse, and domestic violence; until people of color stop experiencing employment or academic discrimination based off of the color of the skin, the texture of their hair, or the ethnic background of their name, we cannot pretend that racial prejudice against Whites is anything even remotely equivalent to racial prejudice against people of color.

3) “You’re a hypocrite because you’re not criticizing the racism in (other media).”

This one is particularly ridiculous because it’s always paired with really high profile and obviously racist media like Tosh.0 or Family Guy. The line of reasoning goes that no one should be able to criticize racism in YouTube because they’re not criticizing racism in Hollywood. Except, of course, people are. A lot. Constantly. You just decide not to listen and then use the fact that you don’t listen as proof that it doesn’t exist.

4) “But they’re such a good person!”

This is basically an argument of intention, which has been deconstructed over and over again. It rests under the assumption that a person can’t be racist if they’re a “good person”, that there are a distinct group of clearly evil people that everyone can agree on as racist, and that a person can judge themselves and absolve themselves of criticisms of racism.

All three of these are deeply, deeply flawed.

Firstly, the vast majority of institutional racism goes uncriticized and uncontested not because there are malicious evil people who are actively trying to hurt people of color because of their race. It gets perpetuated because average, everyday, pleasant “good people” are comfortable in their ignorance and fail over and over again to listen to the experiences of people who are marginalized in ways they are not and care. The notion that if you’re a relatively nice person who smiles at people and puts the toilet seat down after you use it then you can’t have conscious or internalized racist opinions needs to be obliterated. And before anyone goes throwing around cherry-picked MLK Jr. quotes, read Letter from a Birmingham Jail and see just how critical Dr. King was about apathetic, complacent, “white moderate[s]”.

Secondly, people always fall back on the fact that they didn’t “mean” anything to be offensive or racist. And therefore, they’re not racist. This is the core intentions argument and it falls flat on its face when you realize that virtually no one intends to be racist. And yet racism still exists. People don’t sit around nefariously twirling handlebar mustaches and plotting how to subjugate huge swaths of people. Even members of the Ku Klux Klan have been filmed saying that they’re not racist. When it comes down to it, the intention of people saying or doing racist things is irrelevant. What is relevant is the impacts.

Thirdly, the prevailing idea that people can absolve themselves of the criticism of racism is frankly ridiculous when applied to any other type of transgression. It would be akin to someone accidentally hitting your car or hitting you and then having the audacity to claim (and believe) that they didn’t do it. You, as the person who now has a dent in the car or the bruise on your arm, are the one that can say whether or not they hurt you. Because you, after all, are the one that’s being hurt or damaged by the action.

5) “They make people’s lives so much better! They bring smiles to people’s faces!”

Yes, that’s true. But, it’s also completely irrelevant. Yeah, they may bring smiles to people’s faces, but they’re also massively hurting huge communities of people. That’s, like, kind of the reason we’re talking about this. If they were just making everyone’s lives better, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. It’s the fact that their media directly insults and harms a section of their fanbase and a section of media consumers in general that the criticism exists in the first place. Do only the feelings of people who aren’t impacted by institutional oppression worth listening to? Are we only allowed to passively watch media without being allowed to speak out when it steals from our cultures, mocks our language, shames our skin, and monetizes our oppression?

If making people happy and making their lives better is your big concern, then why aren’t you concerned when your favorite content creator is blatantly failing at doing just that with large swaths of media consumers?

Particularly for a medium like YouTube which bases a huge portion of its success on audience participation. You know, like the calls to comment at the end of many YouTube channels, the habit of dedicating entire videos or segments of videos to replying to audience comments, the encouragement of engaging with content creators via Twitters, Facebooks, and Tumblrs specifically linked to and advertised on their YouTube videos. We’re meant to interact with this YouTubers. That’s a huge part of the draw in the medium. But suddenly when that interaction involves criticism of extremely harmful content, we’re no longer supposed to engage.

6) “But they apologized!”

Apologies are nice but they neither erase mistakes of the past or completely end a situation, nor should they. An apology is not the end of the road, like so many YouTube fans seem to expect. When you deeply hurt a friend, you don’t throw an ill-constructed “Sorry” at them and then leave and never address the ways you can fix the situation or ensure it will never happy again. That’s a ridiculously poor way to handle it.

I’m glad that YouTubers are starting to take responsibility for their past mistakes but part of an apology involves examining what you did wrong and making a commitment to changing it in the future. The way that fans react to anytime a celebrity is criticized like this is expecting that as soon as an (often poor and clearly disingenuous) apology is issued, all criticism should immediately stop and everything can return to the status quo. This is exactly what’s been happening recently.

Shane Dawson released an apology. And now no one is allowed to say anything about the continued effects of the racism in his videos or what other steps he should take to support communities that have been alienated from his content. This includes directly (and critically) addressing the parts of his fan base that are launching slurs, microaggressions, and silencing tactics at the fans and creators of color that have and are criticizing some of his content.

7) “Stop being angry and make this a learning experience!”

Finally, the most common silencing technique is tone policing. Tone policing is the act of telling marginalized people that, while their pain may be legitimate, they need to frame it in such a way as to cater to the comfort and feelings of their (often unintentional) oppressors. This argument contrasts reacting with emotion with reacting with patience and logic.

The problem is twofold.

First off, it negates the fact that marginalized people are entitled to their anger. When racism and racist microaggressions constantly swarm around you every day like a never-ending cloud of mosquitoes, you’re bound to get upset. And to expect people to handle all the inconveniences and pain of swimming in a society of colorblind racism and kindly educate every individual person, save every single mosquito, with absolute patience and kindness is ridiculous.

Sometimes you just have to swat them to stay sane.

Secondly, people often don’t understand that anger is part of the learning process. We don’t learn that our actions are hurtful and damaging until someone who is hurt and damaged by them tells us. We won’t understand the full impacts of our mistakes until someone is sick and tired of dealing with it and blows up. You don’t win rights by being nice for the same reason that people weren’t originally marginalized because they were rude.

While I’m glad to see content creators starting to be criticized more openly and needing to take more responsibility for their mistakes, I have been continuously disappointed in fan communities. For the same reason that even though you love your family and friends you can criticize things they do that irritate or hurt you or others, we should be able to both like and be critical of our favorite media and content creators.

Refusing to do so demonstrates a disinterest in improving the quality of their content. And at that point, what kind of fans are we?

Do anyone in Chicago know a good Internet or DSL provider that is having some deal for low-income people? I found a couple but all of them say you need to have a kid. Our bill is now a whooping $178 Dollars. Like WTF! I have been thinking about this for the past month because AT&T got rid of their low income program for Illinois residence and shit.